there is a terribly written opinion piece in the NZ Herald today, in which a mother bags all of us who choose to breast feed. Its a bloody offensive piece in so many ways, she says that breastfeeding is why women who are unhappy with their saggy boobs have to get implants... wtf, that's insane, choosing to formula feed so you don't get saggy boobs seems rather selfish, I have bottle fed, and I have breastfed, the boobs were getting saggy before I started feeding, loosing weight, gaining weight are bigger factors for saggy boobs that breastfeeding.
The rest of the article was just as bad, sleeping your baby on its back is not to be done because of flat heads? wow so the aesthetic of babies head shape is more important than the risk of SIDS, but she justifies this statement by saying shes upper class and it won't happen to her baby...
I was totally gobsmacked by the arrogance of this woman, shes so totally wrong on so many counts and saying that she knows best because shes rich just takes the cake. Personally I will keep getting my advice on parenting from WHO, Plunket, Health professionals etc, they do know what they are talking about.
and then there is this part
"Now I understand that for many parents, especially where education levels are low and daily life so tough and frazzled, the notion of a book to record details of the infant's every sleep seems indulgent and precious. And we've all read about methamphetamine-fuelled households filled with multiple 'lifestyle beneficiaries' whose only success is to fail to supply the necessities of life to those tiny babies unfortunate enough to live with them. Obviously sterilising bottles and correctly preparing formula would be beyond many of these people - as would the art of muslin-wrapping. So it's quite understandable that official guidelines should serve as a safety net for the offspring of our most disenfranchised parents, and as an ethical society we wouldn't want it any other way."
totally condescending and not necessary at all, I found the whole article patronising, it belittled the work that Mums do, and it made her come across as a prize bitch who was so selfish that she didn't even try breastfeeding cos she didn't want to have to get implants. I have many friends who bottle feed their children, they do it because for many reasons breastfeeding just didn't work for them. Not one of them did it because of concern about saggy boobs, did she have an elective c section because she was concerned about a saggy vagina? I mean pushing a baby out is surely going to stuff you vagina and make sex less pleasurable because you aren't tight anymore.... And yes I am now being bitchy and judgemental too, (C sections are not nice, and are horrible to recover from and nothing to be joked at either.)
Where do people get off on judging choices that we make? I am educated, and I used that education to make the best choices I can for my children, but I don't offend nearly every Mother I know by making statements like the ones in that article.
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
date night
Posted in kids, parenting on 10:02 AM by Azlemed
we have been having some issues with Miss K going to bed and staying there, we are not sure if its an attention seeking thing or if there is some reason that she wont talk to us about, so last weekend we instituted a tick chart... stay in bed 5 nights in a row and Mama will take you out for a fluffy as a reward.. well it did work, and last night her and I put on our nice dresses and went out for hot chocolates and ice cream..... it was really nice to have some one on one time with her and we were able to talk about some things which was great.
Miss L currently has a tick chart going too.. hers is to do with eating all her tea.... she often will eat 5 or 6 mouthfuls then say shes finished, so shes been making a real effort to eat all her tea, shes got her 5 ticks and I will plan something for her and I next week I think.
the problem though is that Miss K earned her 5 ticks then stopped staying in bed... so do we start the chart again? or does some other measure need to be taken?
D
Miss L currently has a tick chart going too.. hers is to do with eating all her tea.... she often will eat 5 or 6 mouthfuls then say shes finished, so shes been making a real effort to eat all her tea, shes got her 5 ticks and I will plan something for her and I next week I think.
the problem though is that Miss K earned her 5 ticks then stopped staying in bed... so do we start the chart again? or does some other measure need to be taken?
D
managing on my own
Posted in parenting on 8:21 PM by Azlemed
I am having to learn some new skills at the moment which are testing my patience at times, its called being happy with parenting alone in the weekends....
This may seem rather random, but I am finding it is getting easier each day that I do it, its not as scary as it once was, I think some of it is just getting on with life and realising that the PhD needs finished and until it is I have to just get on with parenting alone most weekends.
I am actually quite pleased with how I went today, I managed to cook a nice meal, have the kids all in bed by 8pm, do some washing, go for a walk, do a triathlon (albeit a very small one), so yes I am feeling good about this so far. Just to keep being OK with it I think will be my main goal, and to know that yes I can do this and I am a good mum who can cope.
It also gives me more respect for Mums who do this all the time, I am lucky I have a nanny (for a few more weeks) and a Husband who helps raise our four children
This may seem rather random, but I am finding it is getting easier each day that I do it, its not as scary as it once was, I think some of it is just getting on with life and realising that the PhD needs finished and until it is I have to just get on with parenting alone most weekends.
I am actually quite pleased with how I went today, I managed to cook a nice meal, have the kids all in bed by 8pm, do some washing, go for a walk, do a triathlon (albeit a very small one), so yes I am feeling good about this so far. Just to keep being OK with it I think will be my main goal, and to know that yes I can do this and I am a good mum who can cope.
It also gives me more respect for Mums who do this all the time, I am lucky I have a nanny (for a few more weeks) and a Husband who helps raise our four children
political inactivity
Posted in at home mum, parenting, politics on 2:29 PM by Azlemed
As a Sahm with four children I am finding it hard to be as politically active as I once was, I wonder if some of this is because of the way political parties are geared more towards people who work or if its just that having children means that they are my priority?
I am finding it strange being this uninvolved with political happenings that used to be hugely important to me, I am disconnected from most of the Labour party because I arent attending meeting and are not really using the social network for keeping in the loop... it made me start wondering about political organisation and women in general.
Women are not well represented in most elected positions in our country, some of this is that they are not shoulder tapped and asked to stand and parts of it are that they just dont have the time because they are doing everything else.
I managed to stay active when I had my first baby, with number 2 I was still in the loop as well, but with 3 and 4 I have drifted further from it, some of it is to do with meeting times and some because I am too busy keeping our house running....
It saddens me that I am so distant from something that is still a huge passion for me, and that the opportunities to interact are limited in some ways....
I think I need to find new ways to keep my political involvement in the Labour party and in society in general. I wonder if Mums voices are heard very often at all? Probably not because we don't always have time or we feel that we are not listened too or valued as part of society, I would love to know what other people think about this.
D
I am finding it strange being this uninvolved with political happenings that used to be hugely important to me, I am disconnected from most of the Labour party because I arent attending meeting and are not really using the social network for keeping in the loop... it made me start wondering about political organisation and women in general.
Women are not well represented in most elected positions in our country, some of this is that they are not shoulder tapped and asked to stand and parts of it are that they just dont have the time because they are doing everything else.
I managed to stay active when I had my first baby, with number 2 I was still in the loop as well, but with 3 and 4 I have drifted further from it, some of it is to do with meeting times and some because I am too busy keeping our house running....
It saddens me that I am so distant from something that is still a huge passion for me, and that the opportunities to interact are limited in some ways....
I think I need to find new ways to keep my political involvement in the Labour party and in society in general. I wonder if Mums voices are heard very often at all? Probably not because we don't always have time or we feel that we are not listened too or valued as part of society, I would love to know what other people think about this.
D
am I all that stay at home?
Posted in kids, parenting, parents on 10:43 PM by Azlemed
A post at The hand Mirror got me thinking about whether there is a better term for parents who are at home raising the children, homemaker isn't that appealing, at home mum is ok, stay at home implies that I actually get to stay at home and not be a taxi for everything, home exec just sounds weird.
It is a strange thing really, I don't know how my Mum classified herself when she was raising my sister and I, but I cant see her being happy being a "housewife" either.
I wonder how my Grandma saw herself, I don't know what labels were used but I am sure she saw herself as a mother/mum first and the household chores bit came second. and where did the term housewife even come from?
I can understand the "wife" bit of it, and the house bit, but it seems a bit degrading of the actual position that it entails. On any given day as a Mum who isn't in paid employment, I make breakfasts, lunches, snacks, dinner, taxi children to school and kindy, do washing etc, housework, blog, put smallest child down for nap, organise my time so that all three children are getting what they need at any given time.... sometimes I get to do sewing, and this week coming I will spend time running around banks trying to get a mortgage while its school holidays so will need to entertain three children all day too....
When written down it all seems rather busy and at times productive, yet some days I get to bed time and wonder if I actually achieved anything at all.... and sometimes the what I have achieved is keeping three little people happy, and everything else has gotten pushed aside.
Parenting is a hard job, its rewarding though and I am lucky to be able to choose to be parenting from home and not from work. D
It is a strange thing really, I don't know how my Mum classified herself when she was raising my sister and I, but I cant see her being happy being a "housewife" either.
I wonder how my Grandma saw herself, I don't know what labels were used but I am sure she saw herself as a mother/mum first and the household chores bit came second. and where did the term housewife even come from?
I can understand the "wife" bit of it, and the house bit, but it seems a bit degrading of the actual position that it entails. On any given day as a Mum who isn't in paid employment, I make breakfasts, lunches, snacks, dinner, taxi children to school and kindy, do washing etc, housework, blog, put smallest child down for nap, organise my time so that all three children are getting what they need at any given time.... sometimes I get to do sewing, and this week coming I will spend time running around banks trying to get a mortgage while its school holidays so will need to entertain three children all day too....
When written down it all seems rather busy and at times productive, yet some days I get to bed time and wonder if I actually achieved anything at all.... and sometimes the what I have achieved is keeping three little people happy, and everything else has gotten pushed aside.
Parenting is a hard job, its rewarding though and I am lucky to be able to choose to be parenting from home and not from work. D
randomness of morning sickness
Posted in kids, parenting, pregnancy on 10:49 PM by Azlemed
its nearly 11pm and I am feeling utterly foul, so I just made some vegemite on toast to sort the problem out, the other night at 3am it was peanut butter sandwiches, I get hungry and sick at the same time and eating toast seems to be a good way to sort it out....
Morning sickness is such a stupid name for it really, ok I do feel sick most mornings, but also at teatime, at night time or when I open the fridge to get the milk out time.... its stupid and so frustrating when it hits. I am lucky though, a friend who is 8 weeks a head of me has hypermeisis so has been unable to eat much for the last two months, so I should stop complaining and its not like I haven"t done this 3 times already so really I do know how to stop feeling worse etc, but its seeming harder this time, possibly because I am already tired from having three kids.
In other interesting developments, Miss K has gone to Auckland for the weekend, its very exciting for her and shes gone with her Grosspapa and Uncle to stay at her Aunty's with her fave cousin. L was devastated that K went away, but its great for her to have a safe adventure with family and to spread her wings a wee bit. Its odd though for us, as we have only had 2 or 3 nights without her since she was born. Its strange how little time that they havent been with one or the other of us since we had them, for K and L it would be around a week all up, O has yet to spend a night without Ben or I around.
Morning sickness is such a stupid name for it really, ok I do feel sick most mornings, but also at teatime, at night time or when I open the fridge to get the milk out time.... its stupid and so frustrating when it hits. I am lucky though, a friend who is 8 weeks a head of me has hypermeisis so has been unable to eat much for the last two months, so I should stop complaining and its not like I haven"t done this 3 times already so really I do know how to stop feeling worse etc, but its seeming harder this time, possibly because I am already tired from having three kids.
In other interesting developments, Miss K has gone to Auckland for the weekend, its very exciting for her and shes gone with her Grosspapa and Uncle to stay at her Aunty's with her fave cousin. L was devastated that K went away, but its great for her to have a safe adventure with family and to spread her wings a wee bit. Its odd though for us, as we have only had 2 or 3 nights without her since she was born. Its strange how little time that they havent been with one or the other of us since we had them, for K and L it would be around a week all up, O has yet to spend a night without Ben or I around.
13 years tomorrow
Posted in parenting, us on 10:45 PM by Azlemed
Ben and I have been together for 13 years tomorrow, I am quite proud of us, I wasnt quite 19 when we started going out together. We have been married for 11 years, and have 3 wee kids, we have completed 2 bachelors, one masters, a graduate diploma and nearly a phd, not bad really.
I am really pleased that we have come this far and in 13 years time will be looking back thinking wow... we will have 4 teenage children, and who knows what else will have happened. But for now we celebrate 13 years together, 12 years since we got engaged, 11 years marriage, 5 years of parenthood and a whole lot of love shared.
D
I am really pleased that we have come this far and in 13 years time will be looking back thinking wow... we will have 4 teenage children, and who knows what else will have happened. But for now we celebrate 13 years together, 12 years since we got engaged, 11 years marriage, 5 years of parenthood and a whole lot of love shared.
D
do I have pick on me tattooed on my forehead?
Posted in bullying, family, parenting on 9:19 AM by Azlemed
I have had two very crappy and disturbing encounters this week that have really made me wonder if I am just naturally someone who gets bullied or picked on....
here's the story as its happened over the last couple of days.....
On Monday it was teachers only day at school. I biked the kids to kindy from a friends house so that K could get some practise riding on quiet roads. After kindy finished K and a friend were biking in the school grounds and K came around a corner tried to brake and hit a child. I had to get off my bike, go and rescue her, and generally try to calm her and L down. while I left my bike it nearly toppled over on to L, obviously my bike stand isn't strong enough to hold O's weight still on the bike, she then got a nasty scratch on her hand so was crying too......
The mum of the other kid had a go at me, i was too busy with my own upset kids to really think much at the time, the mum took her kids to the car and then came back and let rip at me, about how we shouldn't have been biking in school grounds blah blah blah... I apologised for the accident but she just kept up at me.
I wasn't very happy as I don't like being spoken too like that and esp in front of my children and a friend of theirs. Yesterday there was a school outing to the esplanade... this mum was there.... I avoided her, but I did talk to another mum I know about what happened on Monday.
After school this mum approached me again... this time she was angry as, she went off that I was talking about her behind her back... and yes I did, but not in the situation that she observed. She just kept ranting at me that my girl should have apologised etc and that i wasn't a good parent. I asked her to back off and leave me alone.. she then kept coming closer and saying I was immature etc. I was trying to get the kids ready to go in the car but she just kept ranting at me that she was going to tell kindy etc how dangerous my kids were......
I left school in tears, I felt embarrassed, humiliated, bullied, uncomfortable etc I rung Kindy about the incident and they have said it happened outside kindy time, which it did and seeing it wasn't a formal school day the school rule of not biking in the school grounds did not apply.
I am very unsure about taking L to kindy this afternoon, I will do it though.
It bought back all the painful memories of being bullied at school and that I do not cope very well with confrontation like this. I do wonder about whether being bullied at school has made it difficult for me to deal with people in these sorts of situations?
Any suggestions on how to get through this would be good.
D
here's the story as its happened over the last couple of days.....
On Monday it was teachers only day at school. I biked the kids to kindy from a friends house so that K could get some practise riding on quiet roads. After kindy finished K and a friend were biking in the school grounds and K came around a corner tried to brake and hit a child. I had to get off my bike, go and rescue her, and generally try to calm her and L down. while I left my bike it nearly toppled over on to L, obviously my bike stand isn't strong enough to hold O's weight still on the bike, she then got a nasty scratch on her hand so was crying too......
The mum of the other kid had a go at me, i was too busy with my own upset kids to really think much at the time, the mum took her kids to the car and then came back and let rip at me, about how we shouldn't have been biking in school grounds blah blah blah... I apologised for the accident but she just kept up at me.
I wasn't very happy as I don't like being spoken too like that and esp in front of my children and a friend of theirs. Yesterday there was a school outing to the esplanade... this mum was there.... I avoided her, but I did talk to another mum I know about what happened on Monday.
After school this mum approached me again... this time she was angry as, she went off that I was talking about her behind her back... and yes I did, but not in the situation that she observed. She just kept ranting at me that my girl should have apologised etc and that i wasn't a good parent. I asked her to back off and leave me alone.. she then kept coming closer and saying I was immature etc. I was trying to get the kids ready to go in the car but she just kept ranting at me that she was going to tell kindy etc how dangerous my kids were......
I left school in tears, I felt embarrassed, humiliated, bullied, uncomfortable etc I rung Kindy about the incident and they have said it happened outside kindy time, which it did and seeing it wasn't a formal school day the school rule of not biking in the school grounds did not apply.
I am very unsure about taking L to kindy this afternoon, I will do it though.
It bought back all the painful memories of being bullied at school and that I do not cope very well with confrontation like this. I do wonder about whether being bullied at school has made it difficult for me to deal with people in these sorts of situations?
Any suggestions on how to get through this would be good.
D
busy day running around
Posted in family, parenting on 8:50 PM by Azlemed
So I feel like I have been on the go all day, it started badly because we all slept in, then I had to take K to school, Ben to the dentist, then the Drs, then for an xray then home. Then Ben picked up K, took L to kindy, and we were then out again by 2:30 for K's parent teacher interviews, had to pick L up, back home for a cuppa, then Girls brigade at 4:30, home after six, cooked tea, put kids to bed, Ben had people arrive for landmark thing...
Reading it, this sounds totally mad, I am tired from being in the car so much, and I just cant really be bothered this evening, I have done some surfing, I am looking to make some apron dresses for over things for winter etc...
Its also a month today since the loss, and I am getting better but am still sad about lots of things, it was damn hard waiting for Ben to get his xray too as it was at the same place as they do scans so I felt overwhelmed with pregnant bumps etc.....
Girls brigade was fun, its great that I have something that I get to do with K.
Ben is busy doing Landmark stuff for the third night in a row so I am also feeling just a bit neglected company wise too....
K's parent teacher interview was really good, her teacher is happy with how she is going and said shes a lovely wee girl. Its nice as parents to hear things like this about your children and I was very proud of my girl.
anyway tomorrow is a new day so we will see what it brings.
Reading it, this sounds totally mad, I am tired from being in the car so much, and I just cant really be bothered this evening, I have done some surfing, I am looking to make some apron dresses for over things for winter etc...
Its also a month today since the loss, and I am getting better but am still sad about lots of things, it was damn hard waiting for Ben to get his xray too as it was at the same place as they do scans so I felt overwhelmed with pregnant bumps etc.....
Girls brigade was fun, its great that I have something that I get to do with K.
Ben is busy doing Landmark stuff for the third night in a row so I am also feeling just a bit neglected company wise too....
K's parent teacher interview was really good, her teacher is happy with how she is going and said shes a lovely wee girl. Its nice as parents to hear things like this about your children and I was very proud of my girl.
anyway tomorrow is a new day so we will see what it brings.
Feminist Mothers....
Posted in familly, feminism, parenting on 9:02 PM by Azlemed
I was reading Blue Milk and she had an older post on feminist mothers, so I though hey lets give this a try....
I got an email back today from her saying she would put my post up as a guest post, but I thought I would post it here to be read too... so here it is my responses to what does a feminist mother look like?
1. How would you describe your feminism in one sentence? When did you become a feminist? Was it before or after you became a mother?
My feminism is probably based very simply on the premise of equality. I have probably always been a feminist, its become stronger now that I am a mother as I don't want my girls to be treated worse because they aren't boys.
2. What has surprised you most about motherhood? that perfect strangers think they can comment on how you are parenting, on how your children look on the the number of children you have and whether you are finished having babies, the biggest comment that annoys me is that after 2 daughters we had a son, so i get "oh you must be so happy to have a son". I didn't get pregnant to have a son... we wanted a third child gender was not part of the equation. Now that we have three children we also get the " are you finished now thing" It is my husband and my choice how many children we have, we have just lost our first pregnancy and that has made us even more determined that we want a fourth child.
3. How has your feminism changed over time? What is the impact of motherhood on your feminism? My feminism has evolved with me as an adult. it was originally more the girls can do anything approach, now its more that women and girls should have as many opportunities available to them as possible and that gender discrimination is not on.the impact of my feminism on my mothering has been that I will encourage all of my children to be the best they can be at what they choose to do, that they are all equal and that a penis does not give my son preferential treatment over my daughters.
4. What makes your mothering feminist? How does your approach differ from a non-feminist mother’s? How does feminism impact upon your parenting? I think the fact that I firmly believe that women are equal makes my mothering feminist. I have observed with having three children that they are all different and that there are patterns of behaviour that are more specific to one gender, but that does not excuse bad behaviour. Girls do girly things, boys do boy things, but they also play with each others stuff and they all treat each other with respect regardless of whether they are boys or girls. We shouldn't encourage them to play solely with the same gender, this makes life harder and leads to this whole boys/girls are better.... its stupid. I think this is how feminism impacts on my parenting that i am unwilling to accept gender as an excuse for anything
5. Do you ever feel compromised as a feminist mother? Do you ever feel you’ve failed as a feminist mother? I feel compromised with the whole work/home balance... I am currently a SAHM, I have no intention of returning to teaching anytime in the near future, but as the wife of a scientist I feel that there is an expectation from educated middle classes that mums should work at home and in the paid workforce. I have not noticed this pressure being so high amongst my friends who aren't university educated. It feels like i am being accused of failing yet to me I am doing the best job I can, and that is bringing up my children, I am lucky that I can choose to do this, and that I have this choice, other women are not so lucky. Failure is easy to feel.... I gave up a career to stay at home with children, we put my husbands career ahead of mine because he can earn more etc... this feels like failure.
6. Has identifying as a feminist mother ever been difficult? Why? No... maybe because I don't voice it, I just do it.
7. Motherhood involves sacrifice, how do you reconcile that with being a feminist? that's probably the hardest bit of being a feminist, and a mother is that I am constantly sacrificing my needs ahead of those of my husband and family. I put my children's needs a head of my own on a daily basis. I do try though to balance this by having some me time to do what i want, which means some days i sew instead of doing my housework, because i need to feel creative or just be Me instead of being everyone else's property.
8. If you have a partner, how does your partner feel about your feminist motherhood? What is the impact of your feminism on your partner? I don't think he has huge thoughts on it, most of the time we agree on how we are bringing up our children, the biggest impact on him is that I still expect him to help around the house even when he works....
9. If you’re an attachment parenting mother, what challenges if any does this pose for your feminism and how have you resolved them?
10. Do you feel feminism has failed mothers and if so how? Personally, what do you think feminism has given mothers? Feminism hasn't failed us its just got twisted up at times, we should be happy with our choices but this is sometimes not possible due to societal pressures on us as women to be supermums. The one failure I can see though is that men still do not do more than 20% of the house chores... this still suxes and its the running a house and working thing that leads to the biggest amount of guilt that we cant be everything we want....
I got an email back today from her saying she would put my post up as a guest post, but I thought I would post it here to be read too... so here it is my responses to what does a feminist mother look like?
1. How would you describe your feminism in one sentence? When did you become a feminist? Was it before or after you became a mother?
My feminism is probably based very simply on the premise of equality. I have probably always been a feminist, its become stronger now that I am a mother as I don't want my girls to be treated worse because they aren't boys.
2. What has surprised you most about motherhood? that perfect strangers think they can comment on how you are parenting, on how your children look on the the number of children you have and whether you are finished having babies, the biggest comment that annoys me is that after 2 daughters we had a son, so i get "oh you must be so happy to have a son". I didn't get pregnant to have a son... we wanted a third child gender was not part of the equation. Now that we have three children we also get the " are you finished now thing" It is my husband and my choice how many children we have, we have just lost our first pregnancy and that has made us even more determined that we want a fourth child.
3. How has your feminism changed over time? What is the impact of motherhood on your feminism? My feminism has evolved with me as an adult. it was originally more the girls can do anything approach, now its more that women and girls should have as many opportunities available to them as possible and that gender discrimination is not on.the impact of my feminism on my mothering has been that I will encourage all of my children to be the best they can be at what they choose to do, that they are all equal and that a penis does not give my son preferential treatment over my daughters.
4. What makes your mothering feminist? How does your approach differ from a non-feminist mother’s? How does feminism impact upon your parenting? I think the fact that I firmly believe that women are equal makes my mothering feminist. I have observed with having three children that they are all different and that there are patterns of behaviour that are more specific to one gender, but that does not excuse bad behaviour. Girls do girly things, boys do boy things, but they also play with each others stuff and they all treat each other with respect regardless of whether they are boys or girls. We shouldn't encourage them to play solely with the same gender, this makes life harder and leads to this whole boys/girls are better.... its stupid. I think this is how feminism impacts on my parenting that i am unwilling to accept gender as an excuse for anything
5. Do you ever feel compromised as a feminist mother? Do you ever feel you’ve failed as a feminist mother? I feel compromised with the whole work/home balance... I am currently a SAHM, I have no intention of returning to teaching anytime in the near future, but as the wife of a scientist I feel that there is an expectation from educated middle classes that mums should work at home and in the paid workforce. I have not noticed this pressure being so high amongst my friends who aren't university educated. It feels like i am being accused of failing yet to me I am doing the best job I can, and that is bringing up my children, I am lucky that I can choose to do this, and that I have this choice, other women are not so lucky. Failure is easy to feel.... I gave up a career to stay at home with children, we put my husbands career ahead of mine because he can earn more etc... this feels like failure.
6. Has identifying as a feminist mother ever been difficult? Why? No... maybe because I don't voice it, I just do it.
7. Motherhood involves sacrifice, how do you reconcile that with being a feminist? that's probably the hardest bit of being a feminist, and a mother is that I am constantly sacrificing my needs ahead of those of my husband and family. I put my children's needs a head of my own on a daily basis. I do try though to balance this by having some me time to do what i want, which means some days i sew instead of doing my housework, because i need to feel creative or just be Me instead of being everyone else's property.
8. If you have a partner, how does your partner feel about your feminist motherhood? What is the impact of your feminism on your partner? I don't think he has huge thoughts on it, most of the time we agree on how we are bringing up our children, the biggest impact on him is that I still expect him to help around the house even when he works....
9. If you’re an attachment parenting mother, what challenges if any does this pose for your feminism and how have you resolved them?
10. Do you feel feminism has failed mothers and if so how? Personally, what do you think feminism has given mothers? Feminism hasn't failed us its just got twisted up at times, we should be happy with our choices but this is sometimes not possible due to societal pressures on us as women to be supermums. The one failure I can see though is that men still do not do more than 20% of the house chores... this still suxes and its the running a house and working thing that leads to the biggest amount of guilt that we cant be everything we want....
parenting alone in the evenings....
Posted in family, parenting on 6:19 PM by Azlemed
For the next ten weeks, I am doing tuesdays by myself, Ben is doing a landmark forum thingy so is in wellington every tuesday evening.
I arent 100% happy about it, but sometimes there are advantages to getting the evening routine done by myself. its 6:20pm and O is in bed, the girls are in their nighties, we are just about to do reading and then off to bed for them too.... ah bliss....
have had a bit tummy cramp today, made me feel a bit uneasy and brought up thoughts from nearly 3 weeks ago.
I am all over the place on ttc... sometimes i just want to get pregnant again to get rid of the doubts etc, other times i think i arent ready to get pregnant yet, its such a roller coaster at times. its probably best if we wait, but its really hard, esp when you are more attuned to seeing pregnant women or babies around. One of the women from church brought us around a casserole last night which was really nice.
so my thoughts are a bit scrambled this evening, I think I will have a tv night, house is one and so is boston legal, i could do with a laugh. D
I arent 100% happy about it, but sometimes there are advantages to getting the evening routine done by myself. its 6:20pm and O is in bed, the girls are in their nighties, we are just about to do reading and then off to bed for them too.... ah bliss....
have had a bit tummy cramp today, made me feel a bit uneasy and brought up thoughts from nearly 3 weeks ago.
I am all over the place on ttc... sometimes i just want to get pregnant again to get rid of the doubts etc, other times i think i arent ready to get pregnant yet, its such a roller coaster at times. its probably best if we wait, but its really hard, esp when you are more attuned to seeing pregnant women or babies around. One of the women from church brought us around a casserole last night which was really nice.
so my thoughts are a bit scrambled this evening, I think I will have a tv night, house is one and so is boston legal, i could do with a laugh. D
rugby
Posted in parenting, rugby, triathlons on 10:52 PM by Azlemed
There is an interesting debate going on at the hand mirror over whether parents should choose what sports their children play. I have weighed into this debate because I will not be letting any of my three children play rugby at all.... I have no desire what so ever for them to play it.
I aren't anti rugby, I like watching it, I just have seen consequences of this sport that I do not like therefore i will not be letting them be involved in the sport.
A boy I went to primary school with became a tetraplegic at age 17 through no fault of his own, he was a 1st fifteen player, and was running with the ball and tackled, he fell awkwardly on hard ground and was paralysed. I don't want to see this happen to any of my children. I have seen the fractures, the blown out knees, etc, I aren't thinking this through in a sensationalist fashion.
One of my other reasons is based more on society, my cousin was from a rugby family, it was common to go to the club after work for a drink etc, He had broken up with his girlfriend, went to the club for a while, said something to someone and went home and killed himself. I am not in anyway blaming the game for his death, but the I'm a hard man attitude that goes with rugby is NZ was a factor in his death.
I am happy for my children to be competitive, social, and enjoy sport, it just wont be rugby......
When reading the comments on rugby on THM the interesting bit was that one person thought we were being a bit harsh for not letting our kids play this sport, but I would be the one paying for it, taking them to games, training etc, washing the gear etc, therefore i think i am entitled to some say in what they play.
Thankfully at the moment they think triathlons are awesome. And i am happy with that.
D
I aren't anti rugby, I like watching it, I just have seen consequences of this sport that I do not like therefore i will not be letting them be involved in the sport.
A boy I went to primary school with became a tetraplegic at age 17 through no fault of his own, he was a 1st fifteen player, and was running with the ball and tackled, he fell awkwardly on hard ground and was paralysed. I don't want to see this happen to any of my children. I have seen the fractures, the blown out knees, etc, I aren't thinking this through in a sensationalist fashion.
One of my other reasons is based more on society, my cousin was from a rugby family, it was common to go to the club after work for a drink etc, He had broken up with his girlfriend, went to the club for a while, said something to someone and went home and killed himself. I am not in anyway blaming the game for his death, but the I'm a hard man attitude that goes with rugby is NZ was a factor in his death.
I am happy for my children to be competitive, social, and enjoy sport, it just wont be rugby......
When reading the comments on rugby on THM the interesting bit was that one person thought we were being a bit harsh for not letting our kids play this sport, but I would be the one paying for it, taking them to games, training etc, washing the gear etc, therefore i think i am entitled to some say in what they play.
Thankfully at the moment they think triathlons are awesome. And i am happy with that.
D
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