end of an era

Yesterday I breastfeed Miss N for the last time, its been an awesome journey with her but I needed to stop for some health reasons. She is 21 months this week so I have done amazingly well, my aim was to get to 14 months and I definitely passed that one.

I am a bit sad about it, she is definitely my last child so its the end of  nearly 9 years of being pregnant, breastfeeding, or ttc, man that sounds like ages when you say it like that, I have spent over 56 months breastfeeding, and over 3 years pregnant ( i think)...

farewell that chapter of our lives, and lets see what happens next

finding friends again

During my last pregnancy I retreated into a shell, and did not make a lot of effort with my friends and I regret that, so I have decided that I am going to make time for friendships and the people that I care about, I am going to enjoy my life and our friends and the warmth that that brings with it. I have been spending more time with some of my female friends and its been so nice, I am definitely going to make more time for them and stop getting so caught up with me....

I am also hoping to have a weekend away doing political stuff, I just have to organise some help for Benjamin that weekend so he can still go to work one of the days. I will take miss N with me, shes a great wee baby so shouldn't be too much of a problem.

So too all my friends who put up with me last year, I am thankful that you stuck around. love D

due date tomorrow

tomorrow is officially my due date, but babies are notorious for coming when they want and on their own timetable. I am hoping though that its sooner rather than later for this bump. We took some more photos yesterday so I have added a few on here, I am rather amazed at how big I am sideways... I suppose its because I don't see myself from that view so don't realise how big I am.

D

39 wks, 1 day

am in countdown mode big time, was supposed to see my midwife today but she got called to the hospital for a mum in preterm labour. So I will see her tomorrow.

I think I have gotten Bubs around to a better position, but probably need to spend some more time on the swiss ball just to help keep it where I think it is.

I have had miss K home for the last 3 days with tonsillitis. Poor wee poppet. Mr O is turning 2 on Friday, we are just having some cake and things after school, its too hard to do much more when we cant guarantee that I will be here.

I am just hoping that baby comes today or tomorrow or waits till Monday, My midwife has this weekend off and I would rather have her to deliver bubs, and I don't want to have baby on Mr O's birthday.

D

Sorry, bump keeps getting in my way

I am now 38 wks and 4 days, so 10 sleeps to go, have had a few off days this week, just anxious about it all, even though I know what I am doing and that I can birth this baby quite easily, it still can get a bit much.

things just seem to be cruising in regards to the pregnancy, baby isn't in the best position so I spend a good 2 hrs a day sitting or leaning on the swiss ball, its comfy enough and hopefully we will have turned bubs around.

I got my hair done on Thursday, yes I know I wasn't going to dye it for a year but I have been feeling so crap about things that I went and got some blonde foils done,

I have added my latest bump photo, taken today, am feeling huge, I now cant do up my goretex jacket which I could do two weeks ago, and my tummy extends for a good 10cm past my feet.

love D

feeling flat

I have finally got the babies cradle made up, and got nappies, but am feeling really flat the last two days, cant really explain why, some of its that this is the last time we will get ready for a baby, and some is that it still feels like just over a month is forever. Its not helping that I slept really badly last night either, my hips are very painful and I am avoiding walking very far.

I think it also doesnt help that I am still under the back up midwife till next week and I havent clicked that well with her so dont want to text her over anything thats niggling at me.

oh well maybe tomorrow will be better. D

absolutely knackered

I am stuffed, have been busy nesting all weekend, you can finally see our bedroom floor, and I have all the baby clothes sitting in their drawers waiting. I have packed my labour bag, and my hospital bag, have chosen a coming home outfit for bubs and packed it.

Now all I need is a baby... oh and some nappies, I don't think 3 disposables are going to do much.

its feeling really good to have this all done, I have also sorted out all my clothing, and ditched 10 pairs of shoes and a huge bag of clothes, could be a bit more ruthless yet but hey its a start.

next on the list to do is get the girls and O's stuff sorted out, It felt really good to do mine, so I just have to get into their rooms and do it.

Bubs needs to stay put till the 28th which is when my Midwife is back, anytime after that its welcome. And I will be ready for him/her.

So yay for feeling knackered from nesting, I can rest a bit once its all done :)

I have survived

I knew I would, I just didn't particularly want to have to. The kids have been pretty good, no huge meltdowns from them or me, O had a small one at church but it was more that he was bored than from anything else.

I let Miss K sleep with me last night which was nice, it was like having an electric blanket on all night, no wonder she biffs her duvet off to go to sleep.

They are all settled and in bed for the night which is nice, so its just me and bump sitting here in the silence. Bump is trying to see if my ribs will stretch any further and if my bladder makes a goo trampoline, its quite strange in some ways you just see these random movements under my tshirt, and it does make you wonder whats going on in there.

Its quite funny see other peoples reactions to it too, I was out at a friends this afternoon and bubs was moving about and she was like oh its an alien... maybe I should wear looser tops lol so its not so conspicuous.

School holidays finished today, its been a pity that the weather has been so gross, we have only managed a couple of trips to the park because its been so yucky. the girls seem to be looking forward to going back though, possibly more that they can see their friends than the actual place.

D

bump circa 33 weeks

I am 33 weeks tomorrow, so not long to go now, just thought I would post a couple of pics, I measured myself in the weekend and am 10cm bigger than last measuring and 30cm bigger than when I got pregnant, so bump is a lot bigger than I think at times.

I am finding things a bit harder to do, like bending over, or getting up off the ground, having our own Mary Poppins is making it easier, I can barely carry O at the moment which is frustrating but its not long now and we will be looking after a new wee person.

On the name front I have decided to stop looking for a boys name for a while, its just really getting to me so have decided to take a break from it all.

anyway need some sleep

D

naming baby

I am now 32 weeks pregnant, and we are still struggling to come up with a boys name for this baby, we just recycled the girls name we had choosen for last time, but I am finding it so hard to come up with something that we both like for this wee one.

In other baby happenings, I am 32 weeks, bump is measuring 34 weeks, and is 3/5ths engaged, my Midwife is happy with how things are going at the moment, my blood pressure is good, and the acupuncture is keeping the nausea and vomitting at bay. I went to an osteopath yesterday to see about some relief for my hips, so far it seems to have worked, I arent waddling as much today and I dont have pain shooting up the middle of my pelvis which is great.

D

due dates

Sometime lately it would have been my due date for the ectopic pregnancy that I had in February, it was kind of strange thinking about it, possibly because I hadn't know I was pregnant there was no emotional attachment to a possible due date.

Not like at the moment where I am counting down the days to my due date and beginning to think about getting ready for bubs arrival, things like packing our hospital bag, putting the clothes in the drawers, bringing the cradle inside.

September would have been the month for doing this if the ectopic pregnancy had occurred in the right place, I have wondered a bit about it, would the pregnancy have been easy, would the smaller gap been ok, all sorts of thoughts really about what might have been if the circumstances had been different,

Instead I am thinking about things for this wee bubba who is due in around 8 weeks, wondering if its a boy or girl, hoping that my hips don't get too much worse, thinking about names, birth plans, breastfeeding etc.

I am also thinking about the fact that this is the last pregnancy that I will carry, I am 32 now, I don't want to be having anymore children, and 34/35 yrs of age had always been my cut off point.

I will miss the growing bump of pregnancy, the first kicks, the tummy rolls from movement, the excitement of a new child but I also know that my body isn't up to another go at this, we will outgrow our wee house if we had more, and probably outgrow our income too.... yep this is it, four is enough.

I wonder how my Grandma coped having 8 children, it must have been hard and she didn't have things like microwaves, automatic washing machines etc. I also wonder how her body coped, she was 40 when she had her last child, so she spent over 16 years of her life being pregnant or breastfeeding which must have taken its toll..... my midwife tells me that bubs has lots of room because everything is stretched from the previous babies and that's a factor in it being a good size, I wonder how Grandmas was by the time she was having number 8.

Anyway, this baby I carry is making me very sore tonight, it seems to have changed where its laying so its off to bed for me.

D

31 weeks today

yay the countdown to baby number 4's arrival is on. 63 days till our estimated due date, so really bubs could come 2 weeks either side of that date.

I actually took a picture of me today, I will upload it to here this evening so you can all see how big it is. I saw my Midwife on Saturday evening for monitoring cos I hadn't had enough movements and she thinks that my dates are more accurate for my size, anyway bubs is growing nicely and we are both happy with how things are going, my SPD hasn't been as bad this time which is really good, and I have some extra hands around the house till after bubs is born.

Been to the midwife today

and everything is going really well. I am 30 weeks and 1 day but measuring around 31 weeks, bubs is still lol or maybe lop and is head down. The interesting thing is that bubs is also 3/5ths engaged which is quite early, great for birthing, not so great for the next ten weeks :)

We did some acupuncture to try to relieve some of the morning sickness that has returned, the nausea I can cope with, its the throwing up my breakfast that I aren't so keen on.

I have started thinking about what sort of birth I want, and have decided that I would really like a water birth this time if possible, labouring in the bath was really good with O so I want to give it another shot. I was talking with another lady at the clinic I go to and she said why don't you try prebirth which is a homeopathic remedy to speed birth up, I told her no thanks under 3 hrs is fast enough for me.

So its all good so far, polycose test came back normal, am a bit anaemic but am taking iron so just going to relax and enjoy.

I cant count lol

my maths was faulty, the 126 weeks of pregnancy didnt count the bubs that I am carrying, so all up it will be 166 weeks of pregnancy.... the 6 weeks is for the one I lost, then its 41 weeks for L, 39 weeks for O, 40 weeks for K, and hopefully around 40 weeks for this one. We are pretty certain given my previous lengths of pregnancy that I should go to full term with this baby too. I am just a bit worried about how big it might be, pushing them out isnt painfree. I have got my midwife appointment tomorrow so will get to hear bubs heartbeat and see where its laying.

D

Monday monday

I don't know if I actually like Mondays at all, but today has been ok, I managed to get washing out which was good, without too much pain either, I haven't done much else today though, have been trolling the net looking for boy names that would work for this baby, We are both really struggling to come up with a name that we both like and that works with the ones we already have.

Speaking of bubs its moved around again and seems to be laying on my right side instead, I find the nights that it does a big move around are the nights that I have a really bad nights sleep.

Tomorrow is 10 wks till due date, seems a bit scary when I write it down like that, the last quarter of my last pregnancy, by the time bubs is born I will have spent over 126 wks of my life pregnant, (2 years and 4 or 5 months), and if I feed it till over 12 months I will have spent 4 years breastfeeding, I have spent every birthday of mine since 2003 either breastfeeding or pregnant which is strange, but it will be kind of strange not ever having another baby too in some ways, we have always just seen how we go with each one before deciding on having another baby, this time though we are very definite that this is it for us.

Miss K is really cool about "cheeky monkey" as she calls it, she will come and place her hand on my tummy to feel it moving, and she talks to it, tells it whats shes up to or just calls it cheeky monkey.... Mr O has started calling my tummy baby, not that he really knows, but its cute, Miss L is a bit hit and miss with her interest, I think she will be best though when its born, shes more patient than her two siblings.

I can hear the three of them playing outside at the moment, I have to get the washing in so might go and play with them a bit too.....

D

ps... have just gotten all the washing in, and tea in the oven, not bad for only 5pm, maybe Mondays aren't so bad :)

wide awake and damn sore

I have got a UTI, its damn sore and woke me up just over an hour ago.... I am now sitting on the couch in my dressing gown waiting for the panadol to start working and thinking about ringing noise control as my neighbour has music playing... its not hugely loud but enough that I can hear the words for most songs.

I actually really want to be asleep, but my tummy feels really sore so I just cannot find a position that is nice to sleep in.

LOL not just laughing out loud

for those that haven't had a baby (or arent medically educated) lol is just a Internet term.... for me its the position (left occiput lateral) that all of my babies have preferred to lay in for the last trimester of each pregnancy, its actually not that uncomfortable and they seem quite happy there. Bubs dropped a bit yesterday which is good but chose to do it just as I was lifting O out of his cot, wasn't very comfy.

I had to get monitored last night at delivery cos I hadn't had the compulsory 10 kicks for the day, was good though because they did a ctg and bubs is nice and healthy according to it, and I am measuring well for 28 weeks and my midwife thinks baby will be a good size. I am predicting that it will be over 9 pounds this time, K was little at 5 pd 1oz, L was 7pd 12 oz, and O was 8pd 12oz. I am still not sure on gender but leaning towards boy at the moment, just purely based on where my bump is/how it looks and lack of boys names.

D

the joys of pregnancy... NOT

because I am less mobile than normal I have to wear white knee high compression tights... these are the most unattractive things I have ever worn... they are to help with stopping blood clots forming in my legs which is fine, but how am I going to survive wearing them in November when its too warm to wear boots and trousers that cover them?

I also am getting varicose veins this time, had managed to avoid them with the first three. And the stretch marks lol... well they aren't actually happening at all... ironically K did such a good job of stretching my skin that I haven't got any new ones yet.

There's also the continuous indigestion that I suffer, liquid mylanta is my friend, and the cravings for things at random times, last night it was cupcakes and ice cream, neither of which I had in the house, I am also finding that I like spicy food too....

Pregnancy is a rather strange thing, its a totally parasitic relationship that wreaks havoc on your body and mind, yet its still one of the most amazing things I have ever done, you spend 9 months watching your tummy grow, waiting for milestones to be reached, feeling the first kicks,or watching your tummy move cos bubs has hiccups. I am so lucky that I have had 4 awesome pregnancies to enjoy, I sometimes wonder about the one I lost but its hard to feel hugely for it in some ways because I didn't know about it, and it could never have survived.

As I type I am getting kicked in my ribs, and I sit and wonder what this baby will be like, will it have brown eyes like its siblings and Dad or will I manage to get one with blue eyes? is it a boy or a girl? will it grow up to change the world? so many hopes and aspirations of mine yet actually all I hope for is that it is a loved and cared for part of our family.

bump is growing

Some days I just stare at my tummy with amazement, it just moves on its own which is quite strange but cool as well. I will be 28 weeks this Tuesday so finally in my last trimester, seems strange that we are in the final stages of my last pregnancy.

I am beginning to enjoy being pregnant too... its hugely obvious that I am pregnant, but its nice to be feeling that I am coping and that things will be OK with it all.

Miss K talks to my bump, she calls it cheeky monkey, its very cool, shes very interested in this pregnancy and I am pleased that shes old enough to enjoy it with us. Miss L thinks its a girl still, and I actually aren't sure what sex it is. K wants a boy for equity amongst the sexes in our house.

I don't even think Mr O has realised that anything is changing and if he hasn't he certainly isn't able to tell us.

So the last 12 weeks of my last pregnancy begin, Its sad in some ways that I wont ever be pregnant again, but for us four kids is a large family and for me four pregnancies and one loss is enough. My body isn't what it used to be and over 7 years of being pregnant or breastfeeding is enough for any one woman.

D

pissed off at celebs.....

I was reading tvnz's site today and came across an article that said Heidi Klum doesn't wear maternity clothes cos shes too fashionable, and has to always look good. Well hello some of us don't have the choice to just buy bigger clothes to hide our bumps, some of us at 7 months pregnant are big and need clothes that cover our bumps but don't make us look even huger by fitting badly everywhere else.

It really annoyed me as its hard enough feeling great about your body shape when pregnant without having the media say that maternity clothes aren't fashionable... well maybe instead of bitching about maternity clothes they could design some that don't make you look like you are massive or that have some design to them... having said that Pumpkin Patch and Egg maternity do a great line of maternity clothing they just don't cater for those over a size 18.

I am actually quite annoyed about this sort of media portrayal that pregnancy is only for the skinny beautiful people.... or that breastfeeding is sexual in some way..... it doesn't help any of us when these images are what is portrayed to us in the media, maybe I should be less sensitive about it but I do get annoyed with the images we are shown and the lack of reality to some of them. I happen to quite like my pregnant belly and I have no problem with breastfeeding so stop trying to make us feel bad because we don't want to conform to the medias ideals.

D